We are complex human beings and we shift between multiples roles throughout our day: the dutiful wife, the nurturing mother, the good girl, the boss lady, the provider. In attempts to accommodate all the different responsibilities, environments, and people we interact with on a daily basis, we often split apart the sexual part of us. “These need my immediate attention. I don’t have time for sex.”
It makes sense then that over time we can have a hard time seeing ourselves as a sexual being or turning ourselves on.
How do we begin to move away from just being the Doting Wife and embody our inner Sex Kitten?
Looking at what core beliefs about yourself and about these roles you identify with are inhibiting your erotic self, is a great place to start.
What beliefs do you hold about what it means to be a wife? A mother? A woman? A girlfriend? What qualities embody these?
What does sex mean for you? Is it something that is bad? Good? An obligation? For others’ pleasure but not for you? Cultural messages? Family messages?
What fears do you have surrounding sex? Your body?
These are the guards that are keeping your sexuality contained and not let out of the cage. Listening and conversing with these parts of you will reveal a lot about yourself, why the boundaries and barriers are in place, and give space to allow for questioning.
Now what does a sexual being mean to you? Who do you identify as someone who is sexual? What qualities describe a sexual woman?
Imagine that sexual archetype, whether it’s a Sex Kitten, Fierce Tigress, Femme Fatale, or whatever fits your fantasy, and all the qualities it embodies. See if you can’t begin to incorporate this image in your daily life. Maybe it’s in activities you do by yourself to start. Clean your house like the Seductive Aphrodite. Walk down the street like a Sexy Minx. How would she walk or carry herself? How does it feel to be in her body? What energy does she exude? How does she touch and feel and move in her skin? How does she touch herself? What sounds of pleasure does she make?
Over time see if you can bring this embodied sexual image to engage with your partner. How would this sexual being interact with your partner? Sharing this image of yourself as this sexual being can be intimidating and vulnerable; however, builds intimacy and awakens the conversation regarding sex again in the relationship.
No partner? No problem! Try moving through your day in this image of sexuality. Own that you are this sexual being and see how it affects your movements. You can also see what automatic thoughts come up that might dim your light.
You are a sexual being.
And it’s time you reclaimed that role.