A Journey Through One’s Own Transformation

A Journey Through One’s Own Transformation

As a child I was always very connected to my body and fully aware of my true free spirit. I knew who I was, who I wasn’t and almost without actually having the words to articulate it, I even knew/felt what my purpose here on this planet is.

My family nicknamed me “Wild Thing”. They captured countless videos of my wildness on video as I was passionate about being free and simply being me. No one could tell me how to dress, how to be “lady like”, or what to do.

Freedom was my game as I flowed through life off intuition.

I considered my self the “All Star” because I felt that I was good at all the traditional American sports along with skateboarding and roller blading. My friends and I played outside till we hit the ground with exhaustion.

Because all my friends were boys, what I enjoyed doing most was what society at the time typically considered “boys activities,” I was considered a “Tom boy” which upset my some of my religious family members who wanted me to wear dresses, go to church and be “lady like.”

At the time it seemed like they wanted me to be something I wasn’t so I used to cry to my very loving and supportive mother saying that “God made me the wrong way” and that “I was supposed to be born a boy.” She of course reassured me that wasn’t the case however this began my identity crisis coupled with many emotionally traumatic experiences that continued on throughout my childhood into middle/high school.

Upon entering a huge public school for the first time I quickly began judging and comparing myself to others as I begged my mom to take me to the shopping mall so I could buy all the things that I thought would allow me fit in with them.

I looked and felt ridiculous.

Authenticity went out the window as I tried to be someone I wasn’t. The school dance terrified me because I thought I didn’t know how to dance. It was the one body movement activity I never did as a kid and everyone else seemed to know what to do.

Soon after entering middle school I wanted to be noticed by guys like all the other girls were talking about.
They didn’t notice me.
My boobs grew.
LARGE.
Boys begin noticing me.

High school happens.
Lack of focus.
Decreased presence.
Very conserved about what others think of me.
Anxiety.
Alcohol happens.
Boys want to hook up, I do it. It’s easy.
It’s not fun.
Turns out I like girls.
“What will my family think of me?”
I hook up with my friend.
Best thing ever!
She gets a boyfriend..
Worst thing ever!
Depression. Tears.
Anxiety. Fear.
More alcohol.
More tears.
Now all my memories of childhood come rushing back.
“Was I really supposed to be a boy?”
Confused.
College happens. I leave home needing to get away from my controlling yet loving father.
Miami to Orlando.
I quickly begin dressing like a boy and suppressing my feminine side.
“This feels right, this feels me”
I get into a freak accident on an ATV/ 4 wheeler tearing my ACL on my right side (masculine side)
Knee surgery happens.
Recovery is long, painful yet insightful.
Thought provoking questions arise.
“What is the deeper meaning of this?”
I am deeply in love with a girl who wants to keep me a secret.
Emotional pain I’ve never felt before.
Many fights and tears.
I meet inspiring friends and their family.
I discover nature.
I begin studying environmental studies.
Cannabis happens.
Blows my mind.

Music festival happens.
Powerfully deep connections with others
Psychedelic…
I feel one with everything…
Bassnectar.
Blows my mind.
I found the beat of the music and began dancing and drumming.
Art happens.
Music and dance enter my life
I begin to have breakthrough after breakthrough. My entire perception of reality is shifting rapidly.
I’m ecstatic!

Soon after someone hands me Eckhart Tolle’s book A New Earth.
I read it.
It puts all of my recent mind blowing experiences into words which blows my mind even more.
I begin to wake up!
This is a thing. I begin researching all I can about what’s going on.
I begin questioning society and what I’ve been told to believe my whole life.
“Is the news even real? What’s in my food? What’s in my water? What are all these chemicals in my body wash? What is a GMO? Why are we all drinking so much alcohol?
What is the Bible really saying? What are we doing to the environment?!
What’s up with the health care system? What is holistic health?”

I try explaining to my friends, roommates and family.
People think I’m crazy. I don’t know who to talk to.
I try “waking” everyone else up.
I post on Facebook.
People block me.

I begin to meditate and do yoga.
I get introduced to poi.
“This is hard but I must get it!”
Determined I try for hours.
“Got one move down, ok I’m good.”

College graduation.
“I need to leave Florida”
I embark on “Freedom Trip Summer 2014- A Roadtrip To Change a Life” as I named it
California blows my mind.
“Everyone gets it here! This is amazing!”

Intuition urges me to move to California.
I trust it and go without looking back.

I begin to find my tribe in Venice.
Transformational festivals happen.
Lightning In A Bottle.
Flow state.
Visions of dancing goddesses inviting me into the dance of life are leading me somewhere..

Intuition spontaneously urges me to drive to Burning Man the day before it begins, by my self, on a whim, without ticket, vehicle pass or camp.
I trust and surrender to the flow, not knowing how but only that I was supposed to go.
I’m guided to a man in Reno who has a Burning Man ticket to sell me.
I’m guided to a group of people who has a vehicle pass to give me and invites me into their camp, and gives me food.
Burning man magic happens..
“I’m a dancer!”
Dancing goddess visions are making more sense..
“Wow these fire spinners here are calling me into this flow, I can feel it.”
“Where is my poi? I need to practice again.”
I practice a lot.

Inspirational dancers/artists blow my mind allowing me to realize/remember what I’m here to be doing.
I ask them to guide me.
I continue to practice on my own in the flow state.

More festivals.

Out of country traveling (Peru, Colombia, Mexico, Guatemala)
I spin fire for the first time
The fire is ignited within and suddenly my entire life makes sense. I feel it deep within my soul and from then on I literally couldn’t stop dancing.

Hawaii Retreat.
Women’s circles
Love and support
Synchronicity
Trust
Full moon ceremonies
Body work. Self massage
Deep stretching
Deep listening

I am transformed.

The flow led me down a path to find dance at a point where it became my healing, my way back to my true authentic self.

The one I knew as a freespirited child before getting lost in society’s confusion and through my own fear.

Now I use dance as a way to continue expanding myself and inspiring and empowering others to find their true freedom, happiness through this healing movement medicine as well.

I feel reconnected to my innate wild side and find fulfillment in guiding others back to theirs as well. It’s crucial that we rewild ourselves because it’s simply who we all are. If we aren’t being who we are than who are we really being?

When we truly listen within, we are guided.

Dance allowed me to detect my blockages as I made the conscious choice to move past those self imposed limitations from my past experiences that were governing my life.

When I connected with the elements as I danced in the flow state it awakened my feminine side that I suppressed so that I could find balance between my masculine and feminine and feel the balance and clarity that comes with the mind, body, spirit connection.

Visit Jenny’s website Here: http://onelife1.com/performance/

Copyright ©Wild Vessel
Facebook
Facebook
Instagram
Follow by Email
RSS